A voice I heard said a number this morning.
A tragic laundry list of inevitability,
of injured,
of dead,
of statistical truths.
A cup of
black bitter numbers at my breakfast table.

Numbers tell stories.
The numbers of lies,
of words of hate,
of speeches that divide and of weapons that kill.

Numbers, like digits on our country’s trembling hands,
broken, maimed, shattered hands covered in blood.

The numbers of lifeless piles of flesh
left behind in pools of unfinished lives,
bones heavy on a dance floor of senseless acts.

The number of blood filled bars,

the number of blood filled concerts,

the number of blood filled stores,

the number of blood filled synagogues,

the number of blood filled churches,

the number of blood filled theaters,

the number of high schools,

and the number of elementary schools.

The numbers of tragedies
shoot deep holes into
a belief that anything

can be done to stop the endless flow of pain.

Numb, speechless, a country is waiting for the next numbers.

393,000,000+ million guns in America

12,477 deaths to gun violence this year (2018)

953 hate groups in the U.S.

307 mass shooting in America this year (2018)

20 veterans complete suicide everyday

12 is the number today (Borderline Grill Thousand Oaks, CA-Nov 7, 2018)

I imagine 

    their ancestral home lands, the soils of fertile rich other places,

    of coffee, of cinnamon, of nutmeg, of ruby red peppers and spice, 

I stand.  

and …I am not able to say anything.

I look again, I see 
the shades of our past, 
the shades of our truth, 

I see the shades of America, 

I see …

    my reflection in the glass.

    I read the name and the date and the place.

I stand. 

and…I am not able to say anything.

 The jars illuminate. 

Our focused attention

    on the horrors inflicted on bodies of innocent men,

men guilty 

    of being a shade of color darker, 

men guilty 

    of being the object of

    our greatest affliction 

    to inflict unconscionable pain and suffering on 

    another human being, 

men guilty of being 

    of these events, of these places, of these crimes against them

     that will always remind

us of what America was built on,  

    the backs, the arms, the legs, the festering wounds,  

    the shackled ankles and wrists,

    the cracked skulls, 

    the broken souls,  

    and the shallow graves of the stolen people.

I stand and…

     I am not able to say anything.

I walk,     up  the memorial path along the sacred ground, 

I walk,

        under the hanging brown rusted edifice,

I walk slow.

        looking up to see the place engraved in block letters,

         Montgomery Alabama, 

        Clarke Mississippi, 

        Cooke Texas, 

        Jenkins Georgia.

places hanging above me.

    hanging there to remind me of those that died.

I stop, I see, I breathe, my heart skips a beat

    I am again standing

a witness

of a history that cuts deep into my ability to say anything.

I am still.

I am quiet.

I am here.

I am overcome with the numbing sensation of this horrible truth.

and…I am not able to say anything.

Stuffing toilet paper in my ears doesn’t work all the time.
Sometimes the music is just too loud.
Johnny is an asshole and sucks cock.
It says it right there.
A knife to the door of the stall does the trick.
The poetic
musings of a spurned girl etched in block letters.
How long must she have been in this stinking shit hole to get those words just right?
just there, just where her bold statement gets read.
It smells like urine, vomit and strawberry flavored vape pens.

My pissing is done.
I push passed the white faced, shitfaced young ones.
I look at them, in their heals and tight skirts, full round silicon tits,
Their ruby red lips, flat tummies, and their wide open eyes.
A public spectacle
of misplaced desires to fit in.
Johnny is an asshole and sucks cock.

They don’t look at me anymore. The old ones do.
They open their
dirty mouths and let their tongues just lay their with their dirty thoughts.
I should go home.
What kind of trick will get me outta here. I’m too old for this.
Johnny is an asshole and sucks cock.